Will Youuuuu Be My Friend?

Our recent PCS inspired me to write this post, as it is something every military spouse has to deal with, but not necessarily something that many women feel comfortable talking openly about. You've just PCSd to a new location - you're trying to get to know the area, find a place to live, find a job, get your kids in school...and the list goes on. Once the craziness settles down, you may have a moment to sit down and think, "Well, I've taken care of all the necessities and "big picture" items, but what about meeting people, making friends, getting some much needed girl time?" Meeting people and making friends is typically going to be on the bottom of every military spouse's "to do" list, but it is definitely a task that cannot be ignored or taken lightly. In this post, I outline some obvious and not-so-obvious points to think about when it comes to making friends at a new base.

- Realize that EVERY military spouse is in the exact same position as you. 

I think at times when we are overwhelmed with moving, it can be easier to focus on the negative. You may begin to think that you're going to be entering into this exclusive party-like setting where everyone knows each other and doesn't feel the need to let anyone else into their event. This is not the case...in fact, it has been my experience that even groups of people who've known each other for some time are more than willing, if not happy to let in a "newbie." Even if you do run into the occasional exclusive, tight-knit group of people, realize that there are TONS of new spouses who have either just PCSd or will be PCSing soon that are in your exact same position. So don't get down about not having friendships right off the bat...

- Remain open-minded.

Every new base brings new experiences and new people that add to that experience. A very important lesson I've learned since being in the military: people will surprise you. One of the worst things you can do to your future social life is to have preconceived notions about people: who they are, what they're like, what they've been through. Realize that every person has a story and that each story, whether good or bad, can enrich your life. You'll meet people from ALL walks of life and while they may not be like the friends you have at home, they are the ones who will be there for you when your husband is deployed, watch your kids when you're sick, get coffee with you when you need to vent and be a shoulder to cry on when life gets hard. So take the time to get to know this person (even if she dresses strangely, has different interests than you or has peculiar habits) because she may need you just as much as you need her. 

- Be willing to go outside of your comfort zone.

I am the type of person that can be overly talkative/outgoing or incredibly shy and quiet...Depending on my mood or the situation, it can be difficult for me to feel comfortable enough going up to someone and saying, "Hi, will you be my friend?" If you're anything like me, you have to get over this! Remember these women are in the same position as you...you're not going to come off as creepy, overly-aggressive or crazy if you ask someone you met in the grocery line at the Commissary if she'd like to get coffee sometime. In life outside the military, yes, you may come off as a little "loco," but in the military these occurrences are very normal. In fact, these occurrences MAY be your only opportunity at times to meet people (especially if you aren't able to get involved in many extra-curricular activities)! 

- Get creative with "friend-making" opportunities.

There are some fairly direct "friend-making" opportunities on base and then some that you have to get a little creative with. 

Direct opportunities:

- Spouses' Club (both the base's spouses' club, as well as the unit)

- New Spouse Educational Programs

   1) Heartlink (Air Force)

   2) Family Team Building (Army) 

   3) L.I.N.K.S. (Marine Corps)

   4) COMPASS (Navy)

"Creative" opportunities:

- Workout classes on base

- Volunteering on base

- Local church or bible study

- Base-wide events (holiday celebrations, balls, fundraisers, etc.)

Be sure to visit your base's service or support center as soon as you arrive. They can provide a lot of valuable information that is specific to your base in regards to the local area, resources, volunteer and career opportunities, personal financial education, etc.  

Just to wrap up: When arriving at a new base, remember that making friends is an incredibly important part of the relocation process - don't let 3-4 months go by without creating a friend-making plan!